Morning coffee on the balcony, walked through Soi 13 yesterday, back by noon already not sure am I still here, or has Pattaya eaten me. You gradually get used to the nightlife: gogo bar, bar fine, freelancer on the beach it all starts to feel normal, old values slowly grind down, and time slips away into short times and endless pubs.

After a couple of weeks you start treating soapy massage and body massage as a regular weekend ritual, the search for a happy ending becomes a routine quest, and even tedious talk about long time / beer bar becomes part of your vocabulary. Like it or not it slows you down and blurs your sense of things; at some point you want a quiet Thai massage, then again a little light drama. But that's already a different you recognizable, just slightly worn.

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